Sarah Jessica Parker Does Lao, a haiku inspired by Amy Howell

Outside the rain falls

The rainy season they say

A monsoon I think

Watching Lao TV

All soaps and gossipy shows

And I don't speak Lao

But here's HBO

Showing the world's best re-runs

Sex and the City

Oh look it's the one

Where Carrie loses her shoes

At her friend's party

Four hundred dollars

For shoes her friend won't re-pay

And the Lao rain falls

Haiku Clarifications and a New Haiku!

Well apparently people took the haikus a little too literally (ie loved them too much). Although they are, in fact, rough haikus, they are tongue-in-cheek creations only inspired by comments Amy made. Thus, I (Ian) have been liberally ghost-writing, taking words out of her mouth and putting them to verse.

OK, clarification enough. Without further ado, "Geckos Are Our Friends", a haiku inspired by Amy Howell:

I don't mind geckos
But I'd rather not have them
In our room with us

So please get that cute
Gecko away from our bed
And I mean right now

Master Thai Chefs, Korp Kun Kaaah

It started with authentic, spicy Indian food in Malaysia. We tried our all our favorites (saag paneer, aloo ghobi, navratan korma, chana aloo, etc.), but were also introduced to kashmiri naan and some kind of delicious dosa stuffed with paneer and veggies.

Onto Thailand, our first green curry was consumed only minutes after entering the country (along with a Chang beer to cool our palates, of course). The next two weeks were an alternation between cheap pad thais, different colored curries, and anything we could find at the markets, stomachs willing. The food in the south proved different than the food in the north: equally as tasty but with different spices and flavors. Hoping to take some of the different flavors and foods home with us when we leave, we signed up for a cooking class in Chiang Mai before we left the States. Our chef, Aor, picked us up from our Lanna-style hotel to take us to the local market where we finally put names to all the interesting and new fruits, vegetables, and spices we'd tasted since we'd been here. We picked up a few items needed for the nights menu, including coconut milk freshly squeezed (we watched it happen!)

Onto the cooking school, set on a rice paddy field, we would be the only two students of the night! We sampled some sweet lemongrass tea (which strangely tastes exactly like fruity pebbles) while we waited for our ingredients and cooking stations to be prepared for us. First dish: pad thai. It's so quick and deliciously simple! We tossed tofu, rice noodles, veggies, and spices into the wok and voila -- a delicious dish with the sweet, tangy, sour, and spicy balanced to our liking!

We teased our taste buds (or burned them off with spicy peppers) before we prepared the remaining 3 dishes of the night: green curry with vegetables, tom yum soup, and mango with sticky rice. The school prepared all vegetarian courses for us and even made a fresh green curry paste sans "small fishes" especially for us! We both agree it was our best meal in Thailand, and we cooked it!

I will admit -- while we rave about the food, we do miss a good cheese, bread, and a pasta here and there. Since there are enough tourists in Southeast Asia, many restaurants try to capitalize on our western cravings by offering American and European dishes. Among some of the more interesting cuisine from home we've ordered:

- a "veggie burger" that was an egg mixed with vegetables, fried, and served on a bun
- "vegetarian spaghetti" which was actually spaghetti noodles served with a red curry sauce (not good, not good at all)
- rice wine labeled as beer
- "guacamole" which was green but had nothing to do with an avocado

Oh well, that's what you get for not eating like a local. For now, we're just going to enjoy it while we're here...and sneak in that slice of home only if it doesn't seem too good to be true.

Breakfast in Bangkok

What can 90 bhat ($3.00), some broken English/Thai misunderstandings, and 30 minutes on a street corner bring? Well, two fruit shakes, a yogurt/muesli/fruit plate, and an omelette. But also some interesting sights in Bangkok, and some pics that to Americans are like something from the other side of the world:

The Little Lao City That Nobody Could Spell in English

So sometime last week (earlier this week? what day is it?) we boarded a rickety longboat, took a couple last pics, and, in a rather anticlimactic way, sped across the Mekong River to the city of Huay Xai, Laos.

Well, that's how the guidebook spelled it. I don't think anybody really knew how to spell this town's name in English. I guess it was never meant to be spelled in English and, whenever things started being spelled in English around here, the town council, which surely must exist, never thought to set a correct spelling.

Fine. But I'm from La Grande, Oregon. And I've spent a considerable amount of time (read: far too much time) wondering how people mistakenly spell it LaGrande (no space?), Le Grande (come on, don't drop the feminine!), La Grand (really, Rand McNally USA 1998 atlas?), or any other iteration that is incorrect. But La Grande is just French for "the big" (or "the large" to put it more eloquently). 72% of U.S. foreign language speakers converse in French or Spanish so anybody can figure that out.

Now Amy is from Chillicothe, Ohio, so she may be a little more accustomed to misspellings, despite the fact that it was the first and third capital of Ohio, sandwiching Zanesville, and followed by Columbus of course. But sure, it means "principal town" in the Shawnee Indian tribe language. Certainly less people speak Shawnee than French, so a misspelling here and there must be understood.

OK, a little US-centric context. The point is, nobody could spell this poor little Lao town's name!

First of all, you had the h/x fans, which included the immigration department ("houay xay"), a guesthouse ("houay xai"), an import-export business ("houei xay"), and the Department of PWT, whatever that means ("houi xai"). They apparently got together and decided that things started with hou_ _ and ended with xa_. OK, everybody's happy.

But wait, then there's the h/s crowd, counting as their own the commercial port ("houei sai"), the "cruise" office ("houei say"), and the riverside restaurant ("houy say"). They're a proud bunch who rebelled and said no to the whole "x" business and decided that things would start with hou_ _ and end in sa_. Nobody likes "x" anyway.


In a little town such as this, you would expect a war. But even within the crowds there's significant dissent and I suspect the sign-makers are to blame. As long as they keep changing things up, people will just have to buy more signs!

But who's going to say which spelling is correct?!? From 24 hours in this town, I could only find one authority figure who could possibly figure this out, the one woman who didn't mince words when it came to naming her shop.

Step forward, Ms. Bakery, if that is your real name, and straighten things out for your beloved bordertown...

The Sun and the Sky, a haiku by Amy Howell

"The sky is the same
Whether the sun is rising
Or setting at night

So does it matter
Whether we climb the temple
At dusk or at dawn?"

Rice Paddies, a haiku by Amy Howell

Throughout the trip Amy has made a number of observations that initially seemed to be merely thoughtful comments but, after further reflection, proved to actually be brilliant haikus. The first:

"Rice paddies are still
So that the sky is always
Being reflected"

Amy's Perfect Storm

Here are a few simple but important rules to follow when one travels with Amy:

1. If you plan to rent a motorbike to tour the Thai countryside, make sure you really know how to drive on the left side of the road.
2. If you plan to rent a motorbike to tour the Thai countryside, and you don't really know how to drive on the left side of the road, just make sure it doesn't rain.3. If you plan to rent a motorbike to tour the Thai countryside, and you don't really know how to drive on the left side of the road, and it rains, just make sure you don't get lost.4. If you plan to rent a motorbike to tour the Thai countryside, and you don't really know how to drive on the left side of the road, and it rains, and you get lost, make sure you speak Thai to ask directions.5. If you plan to rent a motorbike to tour the Thai countryside, and you don't really know how to drive on the left side of the road, and it rains, and you get lost, and you can't speak Thai to ask directions, just make sure you don't keep the map in your front pocket where it will get so wet as to be unreadable.6. If you plan to rent a motorbike to tour the Thai countryside, and you don't really know how to drive on the left side of the road, and it rains, and you get lost, and you can't speak Thai to ask directions, and you kept the map in the front pocket where it got so wet it was unreadable, just don't hit any deep potholes full of mud.OK, you get the idea, I hit the potholes. Almost every single pothole that presented itself. And I broke all of the rules. But if you can't comply with the rules, at least ride through some beautiful countryside and go to some amazing temples with stunning Buddha images (and cute kitties) in deserted caves in towering limestone bluffs where you're the only people for miles around.That makes for one happy Amy, motorbike and all.
Oh, and if you're going to do all of the above, don't time travel, but that's not one of Amy's rules, it was in the rental agency contract.

Bang for your Baht in Bangkok

After a long bus ride, we made it to Bangkok around 6am and wandered bleary-eyed over to our hotel, which is situated in a neighborhood Bangkok that is reminiscent of Bangkok's version of Park Slope:  a quiet residential area with cool restaurants and bars nearby.  Bangkok is a bustling, overwhelming city flanked by markets around every corner which emit some interesting smells (think Chinatown in summer but with more dried fish). 

We've sampled all sorts of yummy street cuisine but weren't brave enough to try the frogs, snakes, grasshoppers sold by numerous vendors.  Fried mashed potato balls are my favorite so far, but I also love a good mango with sticky rice.

 

After sleeping off some of weariness we felt, we first headed to the Grand Palace.  The Grand Palace is comparable to the Vatican in grandeur, and the Temple of the Emerald Buddha is as grandiose as the Sistene Chapel.  As such, one must dress accordingly.  My dress made it it in, but Ian had to rent some pants for his visit.  At Dusit Palace Park, we were both shamed into buying sarongs.

The Emerald Buddha himself is just a little guy, but he is the most revered Buddha in Thai Buddhism and sits high on a throne pronged by other golden Buddhas (sorry, no pics allowed -- you'll just have to visit!). We sat inside his temple and pondered Buddhism as we made up stories to go along with the beautiful images depicting historical events in Thai culture. 

After the grand palace, we went to several other wats in BKK as well, including one with a huge reclining Buddha (my favorite!).  Most of our time was spent wandering around taking in all the people, smells, and sights. 

After the end of a few days spent walking all over the place, we got a $3 foot massage before taking the train to Chiang Mai in the north.  If only I could take those back with me to the U.S...

Bangkok by Boat

You don't need a guidebook to tell that Bangkok is an old city. From the towering temples to the ancient infrastructure to the old ladies selling circumspect foods on the sidewalks, the Thai capital has an ancient feel to it that permeates mostly everything, such that you could close your eyes and open them in the 1560s, 1860s, or 1960s. Or, of course, 2010. Here, for example, is some kind of an electrical box/transformer sitting about ten feet above our heads on a sidewalk:Weird. Predictably, traffic is horrible. The surprisingly modern subway (2004) and monorail (2009) only cover small parts of the city, with plans to expand delayed indefinitely. Tuk tuks are a cheap touristy way to get around and really get a feel for the city. And by "get a feel for the city", I mean get a view of the wheels of the bus in the next lane, which are about all a tourist taller than 4 foot 8 can see during the trip. It does, however, provide a perfect angle for breathing in the bus exhaust pipe belching fumes into your face. Tourists still seem to use them, though, and we made the best of our Bangkok tuk tuks, though we weren't moving most of the time.
Conversely, here's one of the nicer streets we happened across in Bangkok. Anyway, enter the Chao Phraya River, the perfect public transport mode for any century! All you need is something that will float and a way to get it going. (This guy obviously doesn't get it - the boat goes IN the water!)All along the river, different boats, each about 80 feet long, pull up to floating piers every few minutes and people stream on and off with the same precision as would be expected at Times Square or Grand Central (probably a bit more politeness though). No lights, no brakes, no rails, no "stand clear of the closing doors please." Just a weathered boat driver in the front and a kid in the back. The boat pulls up to the dock and when it gets even, the kid puts a whistle to his lips and blows a certain pitch. Then the driver backs the boat up and the kid jumps off, ropes the boat to the dock, and whistles a different pitch. The driver stops reversing, and passengers file on and off. It all takes about 15 seconds. There is no question that it would take me hours. Here's the number 8-boat pulling up to Tha Tien "station." Mind the gap!
And let's say you don't want to take a long trip down the river, but just want to head across the river to an old temple. Just hop on the wat-ferry of course!
While you're riding, you are treated to some interesting views into what appear to be restaurants, markets, and backyards, or maybe all three at once. But don't be shy about peeking in - you're in good company: if the monks are doing it, it's fine with me!